Moving, Reminiscing, and a Calling Postponed

I have found many times that the introduction to a book can yield a delightfully thoughtful entrance to reading. My wife and I have recently moved to Waynesboro, VA, and while unloading one of our 20 boxes of books, I came across Denis Haack's "The Rest of Success" (which I obtained from Byron Borger at some point in my 3 years working for the CCO). The very first page of the book, before the intro, the ISBN, and the Table of Contents, contained the words of J.R.R. Tolkien:

"All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.
From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
The crownless again shall be king."

I found these words to be encouraging, as I pondered the story of the Lord of the Rings. My wife and I have begun a new journey, both currently jobless, moving into a new apartment, joining a new community, searching for a new church, trying to walk faithfully through the doors God has opened for us, and not trying to knock down the closed doors.

I feel that for one of the first times in my life I am wandering, not knowing what will come in front of me next. Two months ago, I was sure that I would be attending graduate school this fall, whether that was part time or full time with an assistantship, that is now changed. Currently, my wife and I see that paying of out-of-state tuition to be an unwise decision. Viewing it this way, it would be easy to take out over 18,000 dollars in loans in the next year, but from the perspective of financial stewardship, does not make very much sense, especially if we can establish residency in the next year. So that leaves me asking, "What will I do next?" Let the wandering begin. My general knowledge of computers may move me into a job working on Autocad for a contracter in Waynesboro. I have recently applied for around 30 different staff assitant and specialist positions at UVA, and have considered doing manual labor (which seems less and less appealing every time I think about it). I think my most frequent thought about these positions has been, how will I do them faithfully, and differently? How will I be a light in the midst of Autocad? Will I become a drone, moving from place to place lifelessly, or will I learn to love my temporary vocation?

This postponed calling has given me melancholy emotions which break into sadness every once in a while. Combining with these emotions has been the recent death of Byron Borger's father-in-law to bone cancer. Byron is a faithful man that I have been blessed to know, and sadly share the life experience of losing our father's in car wrecks. Byron dropped me a quick email, which I then followed by paging through my wife's and my wedding album with my wife. The last page contains a picture of the flowers that were in memorial to my father placed next to the words of the song Rock of Ages:

"Rock of Ages, cleft for me
Let me hide myself in Thee
Let the water and the blood
From Thy wounded side, which flowed
Be of sin the double cure
Save me from its guilt and power

Not the labor of thy hands
Can fulfill Thy laws demands
Could my zeal no respite know
Could my tears forever flow
All for sin could not atone
Thou must save and Thou alone

Nothing in my hands I bring
Simply to Thy cross I cling
Naked come to Thee for dress
Helpless look to Thee for grace
Foul I to the fountain fly
Wash me Saviour or I die

While I draw this fleeting breath
When my eyes shall close in death
When I soar to worlds unknown
See Thee on Thy judgement throne
Rock of Ages cleft for me
Let my hide myself in Thee.

This song brings me amazing comfort in the midst of sadness. I often find myself with tears in my eyes, almost unable to finish the last verse. I am reminded of the pain that the broken world brings, and find myslef longing for wholenss and reconciliation, knowing that ultimately, it will only come with the return of Christ. Meanwhile, I must strive to be faithful, knowing that I have been given the grace to live seeking reconciliation to all around me, and to this I continue to strive.

It has been an emotion churning week, and I look forward to finding a home in Waynesboro, with the people I have recently met. Old friends made new again, and new friends to know more deeply and to serve faithfully. I long to have a keen sense of place in the midst of turbulence again, that which I felt I had achieved in Indiana, PA.